THE CAMEL HUMPS

2012-01-02T08:10:00.001-08:00

In 2011, I closed off an old Facebook account because I didnt pay attention to Facebook privacy tools. Figured I would just open a new one, take stock of the people who meant 'something' in my life, and then feel comfy posting whatever the hell I wanted to post. Turns out, the feeling is universal. This recent post by Huffington makes things very basic for anyone questioning the ever-changing Facebook: http://ping.fm/m4eOy

2012-01-01T16:36:00.001-08:00

2011's Most ridiculous lawsuits! Happy New Year! http://ping.fm/2A0cv

2011-11-15T17:28:00.001-08:00

The following video is a perfect analogy of how some people live every day: Pretend to be something you're not and then....uh oh, the wall! Hahaha. Always remember--be real! Everything else is see-through http://ping.fm/pGSXO

2011-11-12T18:22:00.001-08:00

One thing I find frustrating about our technology, and management: we still 'go old school' when it comes to 'signing on the dotted line!' Well, we're certainly not going backwards with technology, so here's a neat new way to sign off in today's management world:
Sign Documents from Your Smartphone or Computer with SignNow [Webapps]
http://ping.fm/rfXEt

Shared from RockMelt

2011-11-04T19:47:00.001-07:00

Good for a laugh. An ewok tackles The Incredible Hulk: http://ping.fm/HEsAa

2011-10-03T20:46:00.001-07:00

This week, our adult son returns home to live with us. He's a good guy. But for me, Im his stepfather. I only remember him through the teen years. He and my daughter got along great. Tawn and I have discussed it at length, or...so we thought. For parents of Boomerang Kids, here's a good read. I know my biggest rule will be: when hockey or football is on--don't touch the TV!!! http://ping.fm/PXEHm

2011-10-03T20:40:00.001-07:00

Three words boys: No Huddle Offence.

Seahawks trying to figure out a way to start faster

http://ping.fm/sZ26U

2011-10-03T16:59:00.001-07:00

"Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy." -Carnegie

2011-10-01T12:44:00.001-07:00

Moving day quote: "Can u please put it in my box?" -My wife's friend. I told her to teach my wife to speak like that!

2011-10-01T11:08:00.001-07:00

In Radio 3 things are a given: No money. Free t-Shirts. And, moving days. I'm now moving for the 13th time in 9 years. I get it: DOWNSIZE!

2011-09-27T06:18:00.001-07:00

Side not to the following: Google Plus is now Top 10 in Social Networking platforms. http://ping.fm/J6izM

2011-09-25T14:16:00.001-07:00

Week 3 NFL: Seahawks up against Cardinals. Seattle losing first two games of the season on the road. Welcome back home guys. 12th Man at Century Link field! Youngest starting line up in the entire NFL. Hopefully some great years coming up!

2011-08-09T11:20:00.001-07:00

Literally 'billions' spent on elite fighter jets which rarely get used. Now, the whole fleet is grounded. Yes, this is but one expense of the US Government. So, is there any wonder we're seeing 'credit crisis' in headlines again? http://ping.fm/WvnSO

2011-08-06T14:06:00.001-07:00

Gearing up for tonight's party: Becky Halver & Jeff Mountit tied the knot. Hahaha! Halver/Mountit wedding! Boom! suckitLeno justajoke

2011-08-01T19:11:00.001-07:00

Remember Home Ec. Class? If you were any good, the Military could be looking for you to help with a new 'shirt': http://ping.fm/6Qc1E

2011-08-01T13:19:00.001-07:00

A different choice for sharing your files? Not sure if there's a limit, but there are 'private boxes': http://ping.fm/8Yh7A

2011-07-30T17:14:00.001-07:00

For us on radio money: http://ping.fm/vl7wy

2011-07-30T17:10:00.001-07:00

6th wedding party of the summer tonight! Prime rib supper is done. I hope these guys have some great desserts tonight! Rock midnight snack!

2011-07-21T20:34:00.001-07:00

Always a good night when Parks & Rec is on!

2011-05-08T19:38:00.001-07:00

Wake up call for rising prices. You have to be blind or have a 'silver spoon' if you haven't noticed. The cost of living is NOT the same as it was five years ago. This story makes me wonder what 'cost of living' really means: http://goo.gl/9h6w1

2011-05-07T23:44:00.001-07:00

Restless. What's the next move?

2011-05-07T20:44:00.001-07:00

New White Iphone4 finally sees the shelf. So, how do trade ins work? Really, not such a big deal. Major probs: http://goo.gl/Smpnv

2011-05-03T21:12:00.001-07:00

Oil Leak on Bloomberg tonight: http://ping.fm/S6hWy

Schu's Review: Limitless

2011-04-30T19:44:00.000-07:00

When it comes to movies at the theatre,
I've always enjoyed going for a good
action flick or a comedy. Anything
else, I can easily wait til it comes out
on DVD. So, I was really waiting for
Limitless with Bradley Cooper. The
previews showed a distinctly different
side to Cooper. After all, I've watched
the Hangover about 8 times and he makes
me laugh every time. This movie starts
with Cooper being anything but funny.
He's disheveled, lives in a ripped up
and rotten apartment, and is trying to
write a book.
Eddie Morra is a bumb trying to be a
writer. Not long into the movie, his
girlfriend calls to provide us with
Eddie's first dilemma: she dumps him
on his ass. This is Eddie's motivation
to get out and try to figure out what's
going on with his pathetic life.
He wanders around aimlessly trying to
get his motivation, and he ends up
meeting his ex-wife's brother. I mean,
what are the chances? It's only New
York City! Millions of people walking
around, and Eddie bumps into his
ex brother in law. They still get along
too. It's unreal.
"Hey, let's go for a drink". They do.
Here's the best part:
"I know you're my ex's bro and all, but
dude, I'm stuck. I don't know what to
write".
"I have an idea, Eddie. Why don't you
take this pill I have. It's only a
sample. But see this really nice suit
I'm wearing? I can afford it cuz this
pill kicks ass".
"Really, how is a pill going to make me
write a book?"
Okay, he doesn't really ask that last
question, but you get the idea. The
pill is some kind of sample, and Johnny
(the brother in law) works the streets
trying to sell these things.
The pill causes humans to access 100%
of their brain. It acts very fast, too.
I caught myself wishing someone would
come up with a pill to reduce my beer
gut in 30 seconds, but I digress.
Eddie takes the pill. You guessed it.
His life turns around. He writes the
book. It's awesome. He's wicked smart.
Makes some money. Then, more conflict:
the pills are killing people, the lab
rats, if you will. Wait. There's
more. If the subjects 'stop' taking the
pills, they die. It's a conundrum. Get
greedy, take too many, you die.
Stop taking them, you die. Eddie's
pills are running out.
However, Johnny's been killed. See,
that's why you never keep up those
relationships with the ex wife's family,
it's only gonna get ya in trouble.
The previews really made the movie
seem to be 'edge of your seat'. It
wasn't. It's a movie that's 'good'
for DVD. Not for a theater. Cooper
was good. Not great, but good. It was
a really predictable movie. The
writers/director really tried hard at
the end to make up for it, but by then,
it was too late.
Limitless was an average drama. A bit
of action, not a lot. Robert De Niro
was forgettable. The way his character
slid into the plot and carried it along
was very 'B-Grade". It felt like he
made the movie as a favor to someone.
As a villain, I didn't hate him. For
Cooper, I didn't feel bad for the guy.
I wasn't pulling for him. I didn't
care if he found more pills and saved
the world with books.
Limitless was an average movie with
a good cast. I'm sure a lot of people
will enjoy watching it on DVD, when
they're bored on Sunday night. But
that DVD will be at your next garage
sale, guaranteed.
Limitless gets 6 Stinky Schus out of 10.

Schu's Review: Source Code

2011-04-03T22:00:00.000-07:00

Source Code. Hey, it’s Jake Gylenhaal
taking Keanu Reeves to the land of
laymen’s terms. To be brutally
honest, it was like watching the
Coles notes version of the Matrix.
One of my best buddies told me
“I had to see this movie cuz
Duncan Jones rocks. He’s the
guy who did “Moon”. Well, I
didn’t see “Moon” and I don’t
really find a lot of director’s
work different from the others.
I honestly only have a few faves:
Tarantino, Bruckheimer, Woo, Tony
Scott. You know, the guys who can
make a big screen movie loud and
obnoxious? It’s not to say a guy
like Edward Burns isn’t good. I
like his stuff, too.

Source Code really looked like a
movie that would keep the action
rolling beginning to end. But
once I sat down, I realized there
was a computer programmer and
Quantum Physics major behind the
scenes pushing play on this one.
Gylenhaal was Colter Stevens. A
guy who flew helicopters in
Afghanistan. We found out he
crashed, and lost most of his crew.
Then he was put to work inside a
government program. Of course, we
don’t know this until he wakes up
on a train for the second time
doing the exact same thing. Hello,
Groundhog Day! But, this isn’t a
comedy. This government program
was made by a math and computer
genius, Dr. Rutledge.
He has a team of military ‘computer
geeks’ running this bank of computers
from deep inside an Air Force base.
The train has a bomb on it, bound for
Chicago. It blows up. Like 4 times.
Kills everybody. And every time it
blows up, Colter Stevens gets
‘transported’ back to his ‘happy place’.
This is where he finds solace talking
to Colleen Goodwin. A fellow Military
Officer who tells him, “It’s okay, you
screwed up this time, but we’ll send ya
right back in there, and you can tell us
who planted that bomb and why would they
do something like that?” Now, you and I
both know we would ask some pretty strong
questions if this happened to us. I mean,
the first time I survived an explosion
like the one in Source Code, I would
probably thank my lucky stars I woke up
dreaming.
But, if I had someone telling me through
a little computer screen I had to go
right back in there, well, I would ask
for something in return. Colter doesn’t
do this until the end. So I giggled a
little bit. Then I suspended disbelief
cuz you know, it’s a movie.
So, Colter Stevens travels repeatedly back
to the train. Back to the same spot in time.
Then, searches for the clues to complete his
mission. Oh, yeah, each time he wakes up on
the train, the token ‘love interest’ is
sitting right in front of him. Michelle
Monaghan. Her name is Christina. He
doesn’t know her last name though. In
a Sixth Sense type of twist, we discover
Colter’s a dead man computing. He actually
died in that original chopper crash in
Afghanistan, but this weird Quantum Physics
Military Dude, Dr. Rutledge came up with a
computer program that could attach to the
brain of a recently deceased corpse, and
plug into the ‘last 8 minutes’ of operation
which every human brain has for ‘mortality
storage’ when we die. It’s a stretch, but
it’s a cool theory in the movie. Rutledge
says “the human brain will continue to
function for 8 minutes after death”.
Using some wicked smart algorithms, he comes
up with a computer, some wires, and a dead
soldier’s body inside a steel box, which
probably is a metaphor for the physical
hard drive we have on our desktops, I’m
just guessing.
Then, using quantum physics, and alternate
realities, Dr. Rutledge thinks he’s found
his perfect ‘specimen’ to attach his
invention to. The problem is, Colter Stevens
understands all that math. Plus, it’s Jake
Gylenhaal. He knows how to swoon the ladies.
And that’s exactly what he does to Colleen
Goodwin, his commanding officer. He convinces
her to let him go back to the train one last
time to save Christina. Even though Dr.
Rutledge said, “You can’t do that. You
can’t change the alternate reality”.
Well, this boy’s smart. He flew helicopters
in the middle east, man. Quite frankly,
Goodwin’s not liking the fact this Dr.
Rutledge is treating her new friend like
this. She hits ‘enter’ one last time, and
sends him right back to the train. This
time, though, Colter knows he’s dead. He
sends an ‘alternate reality text’ to Goodwin.
Then changes everything , including the
detonating bomb. Goodwin then realizes
her loyalties are not with crazy science guy.
She unplugs the ‘machine’. We get a
glimpse of Colter, inside the hard drive….
'er….sorry, box. The back of his head is
carved off exposing his brain plugged into
wires. Oh, it’s only half of him too. The
entire bottom half of his body was gone.
We’re left assuming it was because of the
accident. Don’t worry, though. In the
alternate reality, Colter gets the girl,
and keeps her. He’s really positive
thinking though. Then, Goodwin actually
received the ‘text from the alternate
universe’. Weird.
Overall, I liked it. Only giggled once.
Because we see a train blow up 5 times,
I give it 8 stinky Schu’s out of 10.

Schu's Review: Battle Los Angelas

2011-03-19T19:48:00.000-07:00

Fantastic! I had to throw that out there immediately.
This was one of those movies that's come in 'under the
radar'. No big names, outside of Two-Face from Batman.
I didn't know what to expect going in, and really, I
usually don't go to movies without knowing a bit about
them. So, I decided I would look up Ebert's review. He
said it was horrible and he didn't like it. Most
excellent: I knew I would like it right away.
The first 10 or 15 minutes are very choppy. Like
the cutting room floor was used to move the story
forward rather than the dialogue. But, here's the
thing - - the dialogue was used correctly, too. Even
through the choppy scenes, we knew Staff Sergeant
Nantz was leaving the Marines with some kind of
sad back-story. Just as quickly, we found out he
was being called back into action to be the second
in command to 2nd Lt. William Martinez. A much
younger and much less experienced military macho
actor. You can guess what happens with that
relationship! When things get tough, and the
kid gets stuck? Yeah, exactly.
The aliens were great. The humans did not
need 'almost nuclear power' to destroy them.
It was almost a fair fight when gun-play came
into the story (which was pretty much the
entire movie. Awesome!) The powerful alien
force had some pretty kick ass weaponry. It
is that weaponry that almost completely
devastates the human foes. Wait - - we have
7 remaining Marines who take the plight of
the world into their hands, and provide one
helluva fight. This movie was awesome for
action movie fans. I was walking out of the
theater saying "I'm going to see it again"!
Oh, by the way - - that Ebert fella said
the movie was horrible. If you go back a
number of years, he said the same thing about
Full Metal Jacket. Bloody idiot! Clearly the
Military movies are a little beyond his
comprehension. Battle: Los Angelas gets
8 Stinky Schu's out of 10. Now 'paint' that
target BIOTCH!

Schu's Review: Jackass 3 in 3D

2011-03-12T11:52:00.000-08:00

Jackass 3. Generally speaking, easy review: Funny
Stuff. Now, I am not a fan of the series. It was
made worse by watching The Dudesons. It seems
like every country could potentially have these
teams of fools.
But, you have to be honest here, for every person who hates Johnny
Knoxville, Steve-O, and their henchmen, there are ten who love them.
I have a buddy who calls 'em brilliant. I won't go that far. They
have mastered idiocy, so I guess if 'mastering' something means
brilliance, I might be wrong. Oh well.

The easiest thing to say about this series: "It's probably not for
the faint of heart". This is the 3rd movie in the franchise, and
it's 3D. Available on Blu-Ray now. No plot. No Story. The theme
is laughter. Usually at themselves. It's rolling scene after scene
without connecting them. The movie opens with a giant hand hidden
behind a wall. It's very funny. Johnny Knoxville holds the spring
released hand behind a wall, as people approach the opening, the
hand flies out, in 3D, and levels the unsuspecting victims. I was
watching it alone and I laughed loud enough for ten people.

From there, it goes to Jet-Ski jumping, bungy rope tricks, big
person/midget swapping scenes. The best scene for me was the
midget bar fight. It starts with two love struck midgets entering
a relatively busy bar. Within a moment, another midget enters
screaming about an affair and cheating. The fight's on. Big
people just stand watching. I must say, I was hoping to see at
least one person laughing their ass off within the scene, but
the customers thought it was serious. Then, two midget police
officers enter. The fight gets bigger. Then midget paramedics
come in. They trash the bar. Customers just stood and watch.
The scene closes with a dumbfounded woman, beer in hand,
looking around and asking, "What the hell just happened? They
were all little people?". Again, I laughed pretty good.

To be honest, though, I almost stopped watching when the "Shit
Volcano" scene came up. One of the guys must have downed half
a bar of ex-lax for this one. He tucked himself almost upside
down, painted his ass green, and pointed his ass up through
a flat board model train set. Essentially, the mound of his ass
simply looked like a mountain in the middle of this train set.
The train goes around and around, suddenly a big spike of almost
liquid feces jettisons into the air, like a volcano. You don't
realize what you just watched until they hit slow motion, in 3D,
and widen the shot enough to see the moron tucked under the model
train set. Completely disgusting. Vomit causing to some people.

I actually did stop watching when the 'sweat suit' cocktail scene
opened. One of the large, fat dads wrapped himself up in suran wrap,
tucked a massive funnel hose under his ass/scrotum area, with the
hose leading to a plastic cup. He began running on a tread mill to fill
the suit with his own fat, crappy sweat, which in turn would drain into
the hose and run it's way down to fill up the cup. I turned it off, so
I don't know if someone drank it. I'll assume "YES".

The Jackass guys have no boundaries. While they test their own pain
endurance. You will definitely test your stomach muscles from laughing
so hard, but your gag reflex will get a workout, too. I highly recommend
the flick. I might even go back and finish it. But for an honest, 'partial'
review, I give it 7 stinky Schus out of 10.

The New Addiction

2011-03-08T20:40:00.000-08:00

No, honestly, it's not a faux-addiction. This is the real deal. It can be -30 or plus 30, this is the 'good stuff'. I can't remember exactly when I got stuck on this drink, but it was close to the time I moved to Peace River. I was packing up the small stuff from my kitchen - - the blender being the most important utensil at the time. I had a frozen bag of mixed fruit, a small amount of strawberry yogurt, and some milk with ice cubes. Big deal, blend it all together and it's a 'smoothie'. But somewhere during the blending phase, I figured I'd try blending the strawberries, water, ice cubes, and a bunch of powdered lemonade. Holy cow! It worked. I rarely fall back on the smoothies now. It's game on when it comes to this strawberry lemonade. And, in case you're wondering, it tastes great with vodka, too. But, if you're a teetotaler, here's how you mix it:
Take your frozen strawberries. (Bigger the better. You want chunks in this drink)
Take your ice cubes.
Stick 'em in the blender.
Load up the water about 1/2 way up the blender container.
Take your powdered lemonade and pour a bunch in.
Blend away.
Toss in ice to make it a slush, or even more frozen berries will work, but the trick is to NOT drown out the flavor of the strawberries or lemonade powder, so make sure you test as you blend. You want a nice even mix of flavors. You'll be addicted. Your blood sugar levels will hate you for it, but what the hell - - it's lemonade with strawberries. Call it the nectar of the Gods. Enjoy.

Schu's Review: Drive Angry

2011-03-07T20:38:00.000-08:00

Starring Nicholas Cage, David Morse, some B-Rate actors, and a few nice cars!

I was desperate. Bored. I had a hankering for popcorn and a good movie. So, off to River City Cinema I go. I get to the ticket wicket; "One for Drive Crazy please." The young kid behind the counter says, "um, it's Drive Angry, and even with your VIP Pass, that'll be 3 bucks, Mister." It suddenly hit me - this will be the first 3D movie I've seen since Friday the 13th part 3 in 3D. That was some place back in the 80's. The 3 bucks covers the cost of the more extravagant 3D shades. Back in the day, the glasses were pieces of cardboard with red and blue lenses. I can't tell you how excited I was to get my hands on these pop culture fashion pieces.

Inside, the movie starts. No previews. I mean, 'instant beginning'. Bad news for a Hollywood movie. This is 2011. It's all about advertising. This movie starts like a giant piece of 3D Fluorocarbon - - nothing sticking to it! The cheese is flowing instantly. Car chase, big guns, flying bullets, spraying blood, and some of those aforementioned B-rate actors grimacing in pain. It takes about 5 minutes before I think to myself; "What the hell is this, and how did Cage fall so far?".

I can't imagine what was going through Nick's head when he picked up the script and noticed his character's name was going to be "John Milton". Now, the movie is somehow using drama, suspense, and supernatural action along with mysticism. I'm not kidding. About 1/3 of the way through the movie, we start to gain insight on this character. He's a strong dude. He can have sex, swig Jack Daniels, and have a shootout - - all at the same time. It's devilish....oh, wait a second, his daughter was slaughtered by a cult leader, who in turn, took her newborn baby. So, yes, John Milton - - the guy who wrote "Paradise Lost" definitely comes to mind. We get it. Although I doubt he ever drove a Charger.

William Fichtner's in this movie, too. He's one of the best character actors around Hollywood. He played the banker in the most recent Batman. He tried killing the joker with a shotgun. Remember him? He was a bad dude in the tv series Prison Break? For this movie, he's the gatekeeper who has come to take Nicholas Cage back to hell. But there are moments when he's an FBI agent. For the most part, he's hot on the trail of John Milton and the waitress he befriends. Played by Amber Heard. I kept wondering if she ever cracked up laughing during the filming of this piece of crap movie. Oh, and the moments of 3D brilliance jettisoned at us with every single gunshot, breaking limb, and speeding vehicle. The story within the story for this movie was: "How much shit could the director fling at the audience in 90 or so minutes"? I'm thinking it was about 2 minutes into the movie when a human hand was blown off and came flying at us. By the end of the movie, Cage was drinking beer from a human skull bone that was flying at us only moments before.

A nice tribute to Alberta in this movie since Nicholas Cage clearly took his character's features from a Nickelback concert. I mean, he looked like Chad Kroeger, with 10 years added to him. Unfortunately, no Nickelback music on this soundtrack. In the end, Fichtner gets his man, but not before Cage hands the baby off to the Waitress for safekeeping. The two 'bad dudes' jump into a classic car that emanates from nowhere and they start back towards hell. This movie was dumb. Two stinky Schus out of 10, and that's giving it credit...only because it was 3D and I felt like a kid again.

2011-01-29T14:43:00.003-08:00

Very interesting read on new Wind Turbine technology. http://ow.ly/3MCvK fb

2011-01-29T14:43:00.001-08:00

Very interesting read on new Wind Turbine technology. http://ow.ly/3MCvK fb

2011-01-17T19:21:00.001-08:00

Oh good Jersey Shore twice in a row! Double our chances to lose braincells! It's safe if u wear a mind-condom!

2011-01-16T15:30:00.001-08:00

Listening to new Steel Magnolia on YL Country.

2010-12-15T21:50:00.001-08:00

Thursday night. Finally reading my Iphone manual. Low and behold, here's Ping!!!

2010-12-15T21:36:00.001-08:00

Thursday night. Finally reading my Iphone manual. Low and behold, here's Ping!!!

New Release Tuesday

2010-11-16T07:22:00.000-08:00

Let the Christmas Releases begin. I just watched a remixed LIVE Version of Mariah Carey doing "Hey Santa". She's been prostituting this new cd for months now. But, in the slight case you're not ready for Christmas quite yet, fear not, there are some decent albums being released today, not to mention, the hot rumor is: The Beatles Full Catologue finally comes to ITUNES TODAY! Haven't checked yet, but I'm sure some Beatles' Fans are chomping at the bit as I write this. Here ya go, new release Tuesday:

Bryan Adams Bare Bones
Cassidy Cash
Crushed Stars Convalescing In Braille
Curren$y Pilot Talk II
Lee DeWyze Live It Up
Josh Groban Illuminations
Hellmouth Gravestone Skylines
Norah Jones …Featuring Norah Jones [collection of collaborations]
Kid Rock Born Free
Annie Lennox A Christmas Cornucopia
Nelly 5.0
Pink Greatest Hits…So Far!!!
Pink Martini Joy To The World
Rascal Flatts Nothing Like This
Rihanna Loud
Bruce Springsteen The Promise [compilation of unreleased songs from Darkness on the Edge of Town sessions]
Keith Urban Get Closer

NEW ALBUMS : Tuesday November 9

2010-11-09T19:42:00.000-08:00

A day that is now 'near and dear to my heart'. Bon Jovi releases another Greatest Hits. These guys are icons. Literally, just ask anyone who watched the MTV Europe Awards on Sunday. Here's what's new today:

Akon ``In My Ghetto''
Alter Bridge ``AB III''
Jann Arden ``Spotlight''
James Blunt ``Some Kind of Trouble''
Bon Jovi ``Greatest Hits''
Bon Jovi ``Greatest Hits - The Ultimate Collection''
Joe Budden ``Mood Muzik 4: A Turn 4 the Worst''
Elvis Costello ``National Ranson''
Cradle of Filth ``Darkly Darkly Venus Aversa''
Dave Matthews Band ``Live in New York City''
Cee Lo Green ``The Lady Killer''
Gwar ``Bloody Pit of Horror''
Hedley ``Go With the Show''
Hellogoodbye ``Would It Kill You?''
Kid Cudi ``Man on the Moon II: The Legend of Mr. Rager''
Reba McEntire `All the Women I Am''
Queensryche ``Empire'' (20th Anniversary Edition)
Rawlins Cross ``Heart Head Hands''
Weezer ``Pinkerton'' (Deluxe Edition)

October 26 New Music Releases

2010-10-25T20:13:00.000-07:00

Christmas is coming. Let the stocking stuffer shoppers rejoice. There really is no better stocking stuffer than a brand new CD. Except, maybe pit-stick, and chocolate covered almonds with one of those travel size Jack Daniels bottles. Here's what's new October 26:

Michael Buble, 'Love Hollywood Edition'
Taylor Swift, 'Speak Now'
Bryan Ferry, 'Olympia'
Buddy Guy, 'Living Proof'
Various Artists, 'Saw 3D' Soundtrack

Pesky Neighbors

2010-10-22T23:49:00.001-07:00

Recently, I've learned 'love' is a very all-encompassing word. I've tossed it around without any respect for the real meaning of it. I mean, who cares, it's just a word; the smallest free form in a language. The word can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure to intense interpersonal attraction. So, why not use it for anything? I'll tell ya why; because way back in those biblical times, there was this oddball group of people, The Pharisees. They figured it would be fun to randomly quiz unshaven men in togas about Law. When they hit up this fella named Jesus, they figured he appeared smart. Not much for shaving, but smart, nonetheless. They asked him about the 'Greatest Law of All'. This guy was just going to the Farmer's Market, why did he have to play jeopardy on a Sunday? Anyway, his reply - - "What is 'Love Thy Neighbor'?"
And so it began, the phrase that gives us all a guilty conscience when we have those annoying people living next door to us. I'm in close quarters, here. I do not love my neighbor. This guy, for the past two months, has made my life uncomfortable. Every time I open my door, this guy is making a beeline down the hall to my front door. (Yes, I'm exaggerating, but not much.)
It all began one evening, about midnight. I was doing laundry across the hall. Guy walks in, with a hoodie, and asks me for a loonie so he could do his laundry. There are only two machines in this apartment's laundry room. I'm a reserved guy at first, so I handed him a loonie. Not even a Thank You. I go back to my apartment and I realize I am financing 100% of the current laundry load in this entire block. WTF?? I can't even get a 'Thank You'?
Now, when my door makes a noise, I can hear his door open, and he's heading for me, or the laundry room. I have given this guy 15 dollars in the last 37 days. Why? I'm scared shitless. People with hoodies and no fear of begging can be unpredictable. He's my neighbor. Every time I see this guy, I can't help but think about that one Sunday when Jesus walked into a quick round of Jeopardy. What happens if I don't really, and truly love thy neighbor? Is this guy gonna snap and beat me with a wet towel? Or, worse, is he gonna pull off that hoodie and I'll find out he's really some kind of reptillian pandhandler. I don't know.
I do think getting rid of the situation is probably best, and because I can't really go and get a tank and run him over, I bought me a guitar. It's my first guitar, and I have no clue how to play. I'm realizing I have really fat fingers, and it's difficult to mute one string on the neck of that thing. The sound emanating from it late at night, must be driving that poor bastard crazy. Hey, Love Thy Neighbor, right? Tell ya what - - I ain't goin' anywhere.

2010-07-25T20:50:00.000-07:00

It was nothing more than pure courage. The busy, hectic week was coming to a close. Literally, the Sabbath afternoon fires up as downtime closes in, and then it hits me, like a ton of bricks: Hunger! Like a hunger I've never felt before. The problem is -- I'm too lazy now. I don't want to expunge effort. I think to myself, "What kind of person am I? I can't even get up to make myself supper? Am I really that lazy? Once those 3 questions flash across my mind, in that order, I realize the answer is NO! I am not that lazy. I took a long hard look in the mirror, because I was shaving at the time. Then, I remember the 5 Steps to Instilling Confidence:

1) What do I love that has enough value that other people would be willing to pay for?

2) What Desire or Problem needs to be solved?

3). What company, or person has the means to solve this problem?

4). How Do People become aware of this solution when their problem arises?

5). How are people convinced to buy that solution?

At that moment, I wiped my face, grabbed my keys and mustered up the energy to make the trip to KFC. Yes, KFC! The answer when all confidence is lost. I love the chicken Bowl and Chicken fries. There's number 1 covered.
My hunger was killing my energy. That's a problem that is now solved. Takes care of number 2. KFC, in 3 easy minutes under the heat rack, has taken care of all my problems. I was order number 32.
Pam Anderson can't beat my hunger, nor can her complaining about my Saving Grace: KFC. So the more she talks smack about the Colonel, the more Step 4 is taken care of: Advertising. Bad Publicity makes me crave a chicken bowl. I don't know about you.
And, finally, step 5, how are people convinced to buy the chicken bowl, and Chicken Fries? I don't know. I don't care. I got mine. And when it comes to confidence, the saying is: "Stand and Deliver". So, when I reached into my brown KFC bag, I pulled out that order of chicken fries, and all five of them were doing just that: Standing and Delivering. All for the low cost of 4.99.

Friendship

2010-05-01T19:15:00.001-07:00

I learnt a lot about friendship today. Ironically, I was alone when I learned it. Back in 2002, I had to leave a job to take a step up in my chosen career. I was working with one of the greatest men, and tutors I have ever known. I won't name him because I didn't tell him I was going to write this. I left my home province for the first time in my life. Headed for the Great White North, Yellowknife, Canada. In my head, I thought my goal would be to get into a position where I could hire people who had this feeling I had when I left my job in BC. You know, that feeling of trust, friendship, and the 'never' wanting to leave something good? I eventually did get into that position. But life doesn't always turn out the way we think it should, no matter how hard we try.

In the time since, I have learned that a friend is someone I trust to be with me when I am at my weakest and most vulnerable. And they are people who, no matter how painful it is to see, are willing to be with us when we are helpless and weak. I'm not necessarily talking about health. I'm referring to the times when depression sets in. Anger. Lack of Focus. The choices that we all have to make when love enters the picture. Sure, it's cool to have a 'good ol' boys club', but that friendship will always be tested when love comes walking in. It goes for both men and women alike.

Until today, I have forgotten how lucky I am to know this mentor of mine. There have been days and months that go by without us talking, but when we do, the friendship is never absent. I haven't seen him for many years, but silence teaches us all something about true friendship. A lesson I have learned today. That's the cool thing.

The sad part is - - the blindness that is realized. I have been the luckiest man in the world to have a woman with me since the day I decided to make my first major move in my life. Tawnia's a very strong woman. It's what attracted me to her in the first place. Sure, some guys want that needy woman, who pretends to like everything and hate nothing. I am not one of those guys. What I didn't realize was - - true friends will never judge someone's "love" because they don't have something in common. True Friends grow apart, but the friendship never does.

My mentor, my first true friend, was going through some turmoil in his life. We walked. We talked. Upon my departure, we shared a moment that I have forgotten until now. Today, I remembered that I never once judged him or the person who was drawing all that turmoil into his life. I just listened. He trusted me, and at that time, he was just a guy training me.Why did he trust me with all that? To this day, I have never told a soul about the things we talked about. I just listened. I honestly believe he felt the friendship too. He must have. The weird part was - - he was training me. Teaching me. He didn't have to tell me anything. The feeling of trust and lesson in friendship is what I've been carrying with me all these years. Looking to replicate it with the people I work with along the way. What I didn't see, until today, was, it's not going to happen. I didn't take in everything he was teaching me. There are special people that enter our lives. They don't judge us, and they don't hate us for the choices we make. They listen. They accept. And, most of all, they stay by your side.

Acceptance is first and foremost on a real friend's mind. I know for myself, there were several people I called friends until today. I was alone. It was quiet. Then it hit me, I am almost 40 years old, and I have 3 friends.

3 People I would trust my life with, and I'm positive they feel the same way. We are friends. It’s not about whether you are trustworthy, or whether you are friendly, it’s the actual act of trust that is the basis of friendship. If I trust you to be truthful, then you’re a friend. If I find I must be careful how I say things, then it’s something other than friendship. Most of all, they can trust that I will listen and I won't judge.

WTF was Jesse James Thinking?

2010-03-21T10:45:00.000-07:00

Okay, I realize it's been almost a week since Sandra Bullock found out, with the rest of us, that Jesse James was trash. For me, I just wanted to see the fallout. I mean, Bullock's on top of the world. She's drop dead gorgeous. She wins an oscar, and then her entire life's screwed. It happens to everybody at one time or another. BTW, I mean "Highs and Lows" not magazines calling with a tip; "Oh, congratulations on your success, just so you know, when you wake up tomorrow, we'll be running some very interesting details on your spouse".
Last Monday, the phone call came from Bullock's people. They got the call from In Touch Weekly. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall for this one. Not because I'm Masochistic, I just think the topic of 'cheating' would have been discussed between the two celebrities, since it was only months before Tiger Woods single handedly trashed the male species. I'd be willing to bet James said, "Honey, I would never do that."
Surprise Surprise, this tattooed Marilyn Manson Looking chick has done a tell-all. It includes text messages, who knew? She's been called a Nazi. She's been called a "glorified prostitute", and many other niceties. I just think she's ugly. There's nothing beautiful about this piece of gutter slime. Jessie James, you and Tiger have been banished to the "Purse Store". You are no longer allowed in the "Sporting Goods" department. Your man cards have been revoked. Sandra's hot, you've been dropping mufflers on your head far too long. Now get over there and stand in the Gucci Bag Corner.

2010-03-19T19:19:00.000-07:00

For any of us who were brought up with religion in our life, hearing the term "God Particle" probably conjures up a lot of new age belief and science fiction. In the last two or three years, it's exactly what the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva, Switzerland is all about.

The "God Particle" actually stems from a book back in the 90's. A guy named Lederman posed: "If the Universe is the Answer, what is the question?"
The particle, in science, is called the Higgs Boson. If it exists, it's science meeting spiritual enlightenment. Religion, in every sense of the word would be re-defined. The World's Robes would despise this. On the other hand, Physicists have always hated the word "God" so how is it any different? This conundrum isn't new. Einstein used religious metaphors. "Quantum Mechanics yields much, but it hardly brings us close to the secrets of the Old One".

The part of the LHC I find most interesting is - - this Boson particle isn't the only one they might find. This is an exciting time. I often wonder if the tunnel will explode with the power they're pushing through. What would happen? How many fatalities? Or, on the other hand, if it's successful, would science be able to explain human evolution, and planetary origin? Really? Would religion go the way of the dinosaur? Would one of these 'other particles' be a gateway to another dimension? Fringe might be closer to the truth than any of us know!

Anyway, there was another record broken in Geneva this morning. I'll post the link below. In the article, it talks about having to repair damage that was done back in 2008. This project that is under way deep beneath the Swiss Countryside is phenomenal. It really is. Oh, and "God's Particle" still implicates God one way or another. I'm sure religion has already seen the light at the end of this tunnel.

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2010/03/100319-large-hadron-collider-breaks-record-lhc/

Having Trouble Sleeping? What are the Natural Remedies?

2009-12-04T05:38:00.000-08:00

What is the secret to getting a solid 7 to 8 hours of sleep? Are you afraid the kids won't go to sleep easily this holiday season? Head for the kitchen and enjoy one or two of these 10 foods. They relax tense muscles, quiet buzzing minds, and/or get calming, sleep-inducing hormones - serotonin and
melatonin - flowing.

Bananas. They're practically a sleeping pill in a peel. In addition to a bit of soothing melatonin and serotonin, bananas contain magnesium, a muscle relaxant.

Chamomile tea. The reason chamomile is such a staple of bedtime tea blends is its mild sedating effect.

Warm milk. It's not a myth. Milk has some tryptophan - an amino acid that has a sedative - like effect - and calcium, which helps the brain use tryptophan.

Honey. Drizzle a little in your warm milk or herb tea. Lots of sugar is stimulating, but a little glucose tells your brain to turn off orexin, a recently discovered neurotransmitter that's linked to alertness.

Potatoes. A small baked spud won't overwhelm your GI tract, and it clears away acids that can interfere with yawn-inducing tryptophan.

Oatmeal. Oats are a rich source of sleep - inviting melatonin, and a small bowl of warm cereal with a splash of maple syrup is cozy - plus if you've got the munchies, it's filling too.

Almonds. A handful of these heart-healthy nuts can be snooze-inducing, as they contain both tryptophan and a nice dose of muscle-relaxing magnesium.

Flaxseeds. When life goes awry and feeling down is keeping you up, try sprinkling 2 tablespoons of these healthy little seeds on your bedtime oatmeal.

Whole-wheat bread. A slice of toast with your tea and honey will release insulin, which helps tryptophan get to your brain, where it's converted to serotonin and quietly murmurs "time to sleep."

Turkey. It's the most famous source of tryptophan, credited with all those Thanksgiving naps. But

that's actually modern folklore. Tryptophan works when your stomach's basically empty, not

overstuffed, and when there are some carbs around, not tons of protein.

Nov. 10: New DVDs and CDs

2009-11-10T05:32:00.001-08:00

New release Tuesday. With Christmas So close, I hope this helps with your shopping list. A big list comin' up Next Tuesday, for now here's what you have for November 10th:

The hit 3-D animated adventure Up is new to D-V-D and Blu-Ray today. A grumpy old man gets a new lease on life when he takes a balloon adventure with a young friend. It features the voices of Ed Asner and Jordan Nagai. The jam-packed selection of extras includes making-of featurettes, alternate scenes, games and an all-new original short film.

The Ugly Truth stars Katherine Heigl as a romantically challenged T-V producer paired with a hard-hearted host, played by Gerard Butler. It comes with deleted and extended scenes, alternate endings and a gag reel.

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard stars Jeremy Piven as a jack-of-all-trades who is called upon to save a failing car dealership. Ving Rhames, David Koechner and Tony Hale co-star.

T-V that's gone digital includes the second season of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, the third season of Nash Bridges and the ninth season of JAG.

NEW CD'S

The Fray " Fray (Deluxe Edition)
Jason Mraz " Jason Mraz's Beautiful Mess
The Killers " Live at the Royal Albert Hall
Snow Patrol " Up to Now: The Best of Snow Patrol
The Jackson 5: I want You Back the Unreleased Masters
Robbie Williams: Reality Killed the Video Star
Bon Jovi - The Circle
Switchfoot - Hello Hurricane
Kings Of Leon - Live At The O2 London, England
Tori Amos - Midwinter Graces

Boys Giving Metros a Bad Girl Name!!

2009-11-09T07:30:00.000-08:00

There's a group of young men in Japan that are taking the idea of being a metrosexual to the next level. This group of guys is looking for women who will be the breadwinner in the family -- which will allow them to stay home, watch the kids and cook. These guys are being called Ojo-man -- or "girly men." They are metrosexuals- without the testosterone. Girly men have no interest in fast cars, career success or trophy women. Instead, they hold down crappy jobs, befriend women and spend their free time shopping, eating cakes, and drinking weak beer. And, this is no minor trend. Experts in Japan believe that two-thirds of men aged 20 to 34 have girly-man tendencies. Masahiro Yamada, a professor of sociology at Tokyo's ChuoUniversity, is worried about his country. "I worry that girly men are the future of Japan," he says. "As young Japanese men become more timid and more averse to taking risks, it will affect the energy and vitality of the society."

September 24: Speed Dating For Guys. A Guy's Perspective!

2009-09-23T16:54:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure how many guys are keeping tabs on this speed dating night we're doing with Catmint Teahouse and Martini Bar, but it's been a blast in other markets I've worked in. It's actually quite a trend in some places. But here's the one thing I've found lacking in this 'speed dating' thing. It's only my opinion, but I don't think we see enough dating tips for guys. I don't think we read about them enough. Gawd, there are plenty for women. As a matter of fact, most of the material I see comes from girly magazine outtakes. IE) Cosmo, Good Housekeeping, etc.

So, the point being, when I first moved to this city, one of the first things I heard was, "It's almost like Fort Macmurray which is 6 guys to every girl ratio. Grande Prairie's about 3 guys to every girl." That means we could probably use some of these tips if you are, in fact, into the dating mindset right now. Then again, with the ratio we have, I'm thinking the number of single girls in this town is probably outweighed by the number of single guys, not to mention - there is going to be certain criteria which will need to be met by these women. For this excercise, I can only offer what I've experienced. (And this is only for speed dating)

No matter what any women tells you, first impressions matter. In the case of speed dating, this could be nerve-racking. I've seen it first hand. We need to save ourselves from getting the boot, particularly if there's a time limit alloted to make that first impression.

First thing you 'have' to do is scope out her face. I mean really take it in. As guys we're trained to look a woman up and down. I know, I know, we're more interested in other body parts at first, but you have to get your mind trained. FACE. Take it in. Color of eyes, cheekbone structure, smile (or not), complexion. This is key, because it's the first thing you have to address. Compliment whichever one stands out. It's gotta be the first thing communicated. Beat her to it. Don't interrupt her, but make sure you understand it's the first job for 'you'. The down side to this? Some guys will go in thinking they have to find 'something'. That leads to the Ill-Fitting Compliment. Women definately take these the wrong way. Some will take it as an insult. "Wow, what great cheekbones." Easy big fella, we don't talk like that. But if it's true, you sit down at that table, look her straight in the eye and roll those eyes, slowly about her face, and then, simply, "You look great. Mind if I sit?" Sure it's a stupid question, cuz you're both there for the same reason, but notice what you said first? Cuz she did. You didn't ask to sit, first. And, you didn't look her up and down. You have to know that she noticed you were only looking at her face. It's important. You're instantly different than most men. Imagine a speed dating guy who sits at that table with wandering eyes all over the room and coming up with that line? Cheesy.

The Touchy Element is a risque one in this environment, but it's important. Touch is the absolute best way to forge a connection. We do it with handshakes. We do it with women. NON SEXUAL. You don't want the 'dirty old man warning bells' going off with her. This is speed dating. You're both sitting face to face. Time limit. There will be a point when something humorous comes up. If it comes from her, it's your opening. Gently touch her knee or leg or even a hand if it's there. Not creepy. Just like a perfect gentleman. If there is no opening, or you forget, when your time limit is up, that will be your opening. If she does it during the speed date, you move on. Forget this move because it becomes two people with the same strategy. Too much nervous energy, and you don't want to lose your 'man-card' by copying what she does.

Name-Dropping. Don't. Do NOT bring up ex girlfriends, your mom, or even platonic women friends. This is the toughest part because you're focused on this woman's face and you know you have a time limit. Believe me, you will start thinking "I know this woman's going to relate to _____". And, guys will start going off on these tangents that involve 'other women'. That's your nerves. You're thinking too much like a woman because.....I don't know....I've seen it. I can't explain it. I've been sitting there watching when the guy leaves afterwards, and that woman starts talking to her friend. Now, this is important because it can work in your favor, too. You might not find anything interesting as soon as you sit down. You may not find her attractive. You may not like her tone, inflection, cadence, and the last thing you want to do is take this 'speed date' any further. Then, go for the "plutonic best friend" routine. Especially funny if she's a friend with benefits. Hilarious.

Bragging/Boasting. This is a weird one, because there are guys who immediately pull the man-card with a woman and, with nerves, begin to chat about their feats of manhood. If you have to explain your man-card rights to her in 5 minutes or less, your best bet is mystery. Lead ins only. Insinuate a higher learning. Don't roll out the resume. Let her ask questions. She's interested then, right?

Sexy Talk. Very cool. She might even start it. Again, I've seen this. Once you make the opening compliment (remember, not ill-fated). She may be, I don't know, a Capricorn. You know, very open minded and authoritative? "Well, thank you, you know I was thinkin' I could take you out for a night you'll remember." I've actually heard that from a woman when the speed date started. Guys, that's a keeper. Not for life, but for that 'memorable night'? Damn right. Don't go overboard with it, but if she starts it, just let her know what a great catch you are. You don't need to drop any overboard hints that you are, in fact, Don Juan at speed dating night. Everything in moderation.

Hope it helps. If you want more details on this Speed Dating Night with Catmint, check out our front page at www.q99live.com. I've also copied this onto my Blog there, too. Let me know how it works out, as well. I'd be interested to see how different these 'outnumbered' GP women are from other singles I've seen in other Cities.

Sunday, Oh Sunday.

2009-08-30T16:05:00.001-07:00

Okay, so holiday season means scheduling conflicts at every job. It was kinda neat being at work with nobody else in the building for 6 hours. I spray painted a giant Mighty Mouse on the news director's desk. I filled the PD's mail bunk with shaving cream. I placed a whole bunch of rambling backwards messages on the answering machine. Now, it's time to go home. Okay, no I didn't do anything of that stuff, although I thought about it. It was a straight up professional swing fill in. With treats from a loyal listener. Awesome. I did surf a bit and came up with a Sunday Video Fun House, in honor of back to school and college tomorrow. Enjoy.

Painful Keg Stand Nutshot - Watch more Funny Videos

2009-08-29T12:28:00.000-07:00

Okay, I understand accidents emenating from the innards of the human being, but lastnight, I was shopping for some much needed groceries. See, I am notorious for not doing this until my fridge throws out a hearty echo when I open it and blurt out, "OMG, why hasn't someone gone shopping'? So I make my list. I make sure I have all my fruits and meats, and treats, etc. It's almost 10:00 at night. On the approach, I was really worried the store would have been closed. Much to my excitement, it wasn't. I love Superstore. Open til 10:00.
For those unfamiliar with shopping on a shoestring budget, this would be the store where the customer has to bag their own groceries. Moreover, we have to bring our own bags. Presidents Choice aren't killing ducks at least. First aisle I hit up, of course, is the fruits and vegetable section. See, almost 10:00 at night? My thinking is, 'all the crappy rotten stuff is left, but if I get there quick enough, I might bear the fruits of my labor'. Sure enough, for 3.88, I grabbed the nicest flat of blueberries I have ever laid eyes on. Plump, rotund, and blue. Actually they're more of a purplish-hue, aren't they? Anyway, before I know it, I'm being surmounted by a 50 year old hippie woman with home made dregs and hair that probably hasn't seen a shampoo bottle since Woodstock. Course, the traditional Willie Nelson braid was present, too. This woman stunk to high heaven. I mean, scented candles would have waved a white wick. She stops, dead in her tracks, and glares into my shopping cart like she's just seen Janis Joplin's face in my apple pie. She looks up at me and says, 'you know, those look good, but they're not pesticide free. It's really not natural to see berries that big.' Now, here's where I'm thinking I've just seen berries that big - - she's got 'em. I just smiled and moved on.
Minutes later, I've found myself doddling down the refrigeration aisle. I'm looking for some vanilla frozen yogurt, and some frozen bagged berries. I love a good smoothie before bed time. I'm smiling ear to ear, because one aisle over, I had just scored the deal of a lifetime: the large containers of flavored yogurt for only 1.49 each. I loaded up. My smoothie has new life, baby. I'm halfway down the refrigeration aisle and I see the President's Choice Vanilla Frozen Yogurt. Nowhere does it mention 'Low Fat', but I don't care. It's only 5.49 a bucket. Well worth the extra 25 situps I have to do in the morning. Then, out of nowhere, Ms. Patchoulie comes walking past, and once again, there's something in my grocery cart that catches her diminished capacity. (Kids, marijuana slows you down, remember that). She literally grabs my frozen yogurt and says, 'You must know somebody else who can shop for you. These people use anti freeze in this stuff. It's not natural frozen yogurt."
At this point, I've just about had it with this Bohemian Dragon Lady. I know she was referring to diethyl glucol. I also know she's talking about copius amounts that were found in a bucket of ice cream many years ago. It began a mini-urban myth. Some companies did, in fact, put that stuff in their ice cream to prevent freezing, but they put Piperonol in there too; the stuff to kill lice. I happen to know there is no trace of this stuff in my frozen yogurt, because it is my frozen yogurt not my frozen ice cream. (Which is kinda redundant, don't you think?). The process of freezing yogurt and manufacturing ice cream has gone through a major overhaul since original Volkswagen vans, and this woman must have been smoking up when monkey turned to man. I don't know.
This time, I told her, 'It's frozen yogurt, ma'am. It's not Ice Cream. And this is not 1982". She glanced over and realized she had to move one fridge down to peer at Ice Cream. I felt like saying, "Hemp Popsicles can not be found in this store, lady." But I didn't. I waited til her eyes abandoned my presence and I darted away like a rabid ewok on a Speeder Bike. Except my grocery cart is much slower, of course. No sooner did I get to the next aisle, she was coming down the opposite end, heading straight for my loot. She passed by on a tight corner and let go the loudest fart I have ever heard. I mean, this sonic boom was something of legend. And, since it was right at the corner of the aisle, I'm positive there were people in the checkout aisle who felt this blast of sonic energy.
I turned around to see her linger at the Old Dutch Potato Chip Shelf right at the front. I hurriedly continued down the aisle from whence she came. OMG, she must have been letting them loose the whole way down. I have never smelled such vindictive wind in my entire life. Could I have been smelling her entire collage of daily diet? I swear rank pork rinds were in this force field of madness. Maybe rhubarb and haggis, too. I'm not sure. I had to get out. The unfortunate part of this episode; she aromatically destroyed my favorite aisle - chips and munchies were off my shopping list, at least for this night.
I began my trek back towards the tills. This venture had me heading down the diaper aisle. How ironic. Once I got to the till, I went reaching for my own plastic bags, which I kept underneath the cart. When I came back up, enjoying every milli-second of fresh air, I glanced over my shoulder and there she was! Out of 4 other tills, Queen Blow-A-Toot took up residence right behind me. Jesus Murphy, why wasn't I thinking? My next door neighbor has access to Scott Paks. Had I only known.
Gawd, I can't tell you how fast I was trying to get through this till. The smell became fresh in my nasal cavity again. I couldn't figure it out. It originally hit my passages three aisles and 4 minutes back. Why was it still here? Why does she carry such force? Then, it happened: She reached for tic tacs, and let fly again. This time louder. The 20-something girl working the till immediately stopped tossing my products down the belt and turned to look at me. Her face turned as red as the tomatoes I did not buy. A crooked smile protrudes from her face. It hits me, 'she thinks I just did that'. I don't know what color my face was, but I'm betting I could have beaten her reddish-hue.
The only thing I could think of was - hurry and get to her left side of the till, cuz the smell would be coming from Queen Blow-A-Toot's general vicinity. So, I made the brazen move. I was right. The girl at the till continued to look at her right. I was not there anymore. And, yes, this wretched woman did, in fact, let fly with two other sonic booms that had just as much propulsion from her ass. It was like she was gassing everybody out due to our ignorance of natural alternatives. It was wrank. Almost violent. I really felt like puking right there, but I thought, 'geez, I ain't bagging that stuff myself'. It took everything in my power to hold back. Once I was done, it was 2 minutes ahead of 10:00. I really hope someone told that hippy-chick closing time meant between her legs, too.
I understand accidents emanating from the innards of the human being, but we can feel it coming on, people. Go to the washroom for pete's sake. There was no way she was suffering from colon paralysis. I've never heard of that. This woman would have blown up college dorms everywhere back in the day. Blue Flames be gone. This woman would knock out the sense of smell on G.P's K-9 Unit collectively. Bring your own bags? Bring your own couthe and whoopie cushion. I think I'll get my chips and munchies somewhere else, thank you.

August 26: Micheal Jackson Death a Hoax?

2009-08-26T03:27:00.000-07:00

Okay, I admit, I figured there would be conspiracy nuts out there who would say The King of Pop is still alive, but so soon? What about having video proof? I don't know if this is going to convince anybody, but whoever filmed the video below, obviously had friends in high places.

August 25th: Completed E-Business Header

2009-08-25T12:32:00.000-07:00

I think I have finally done it: A completed e-business header. I'll use this on Twitter, Facebook, blogs, whatever. This is something I've been fighting with for over a year now. I can't imagine the length of time it takes some business owners to come up with some of those complex business montras/cards we all hold onto. I hope this one becomes one of them. Thanks to Tina for helping with some PhotoShop stuff, too. After importing PhotoShop work and completing cut and paste and edging with paint - - voila.

Excercising Confusion

2009-08-21T02:55:00.000-07:00

There are so many stupid products available on the market. Without the Internet, we might never get to see them. For instance, there's the Treadmobile. At first glance, it looks like a cool product. But when you think about it, it's one of the dumbest and least worthwhile items ever invented. It's a treadmill vehicle that you operate by jogging on it. Confused?

August 7: Experiment This

2009-08-07T06:42:00.001-07:00

I wish I had a chemistry/science teacher as reckless as this guy. Hell, I have an idea for the show: On Air Experiments. Not sure if the boss would like this one, though:

Chemistry Professor Blows Up Classroom - Watch more Funny Videos

August 6: Let the Force Dance with You

2009-08-06T06:05:00.000-07:00

30h3! has a pretty wicked tune out right now "Don't Trust Me". I laughed heartily when I heard the Helen Keller line. It 'was' the best dance in the universe until the Wookie came along. Give it to us Chewie:

Star Wars Dance Party - Watch more Funny Videos

Strung Along. Pick Up Chicks in Under 2 Minutes!

2009-08-05T03:16:00.000-07:00

Millions watched Bachelorette this season. Wes brings out his guitar and looks like he 'gets the girl' before everyone found out he was a giant scumbag. But, that dang guitar strumming guy. How many guys actually thought about picking up a guitar and finishing his damn song so they could 'get the girl' for real?
Luckily for you, someone has created an instructional video teaching you how to play guitar well enough to get girls.

Why Look Down?

2009-08-03T19:10:00.000-07:00

Hey, double entendre this month. It's August, unless you've been pulling a Rip Van Winkle for the last 4 days, you already know that. Some Health Clubs across North America are calling it "Cankles Awareness Month". Love it. Other groups are going for "Self Esteem Month". Either Way, it's a good month to look down. There are several good reasons I've suffered from low self esteem in the past year. But, there are 'no' good reasons for my having cankles. Thank gawd I don't have them. I just looked down to see. One of the tips for gaining self esteem is, according to experts, write down 5 things about yourself as you look in a mirror. You have to do it immediately cuz it's what others are seeing, too, right? Okay, let's see:

5). Bloodshot Eyes.
4). Freckles that suddenly appeared in grade 4.
3). Big Jewish nose, yet I'm German.
2). A random, straight nose hair jettisons from my left nostril.
1). A lazy eye I didn't have before 3 straight days of free beer and loud music.

That was awesome. It worked. I just propelled up one entire rung on the self esteem ladder.

You Want a Mattress War?

2009-07-29T11:56:00.000-07:00

So, I'm having lunch in Grande Cache here. It hits me - I'm thinking about work again. Before I left on Holidays, our promotions girl was asking about ideas for a mattress house and their Mattress Wars promotion. What would people do to win a mattress set? So I start surfing on my trusty Blackberry which feels naked because I'm one of the few who hasn't uploaded a cracked version of BBM 5.0. Low and Behold, there is fun to be had with Mattresses. This particular video features people heading for a world record. What if we did it to see who was standing longest? If they fall asleep holding their mattress, they'll fall down protected right? No peeing contests, drinking contests, or eating contests. Just watching people fall asleep to win a mattress set. Oh, wait, they did that with paint drying, didn't they?

Mattress Dominoes Record Attempt - Watch more Funny Videos

Hey, our hand is up. Over here. Is it Our Turn yet?

2009-07-26T09:54:00.000-07:00

Does anybody remember the days of being able to write to your local MLA and having a representative show up at your front door to listen to what you had to say? I grew up in Abbotsford, BC, and I clearly recall the amount of work MLA's did to understand their constituents. Particularly when urban sprawl began to take over the precious farm land in the Fraser Valley. It doesn't take a lot of research to locate at least one or two of the endless stories of back door government policy. I heard an argument last week regarding the United States and Canada. In our weakened state, it seems some people feel we are vulnerable to American demand. At least we're nowhere close to the situation Ecuador and Panama found themselves in back in the 80's. Ecuador was rich in oil and the Americans didn't even talk to their own people when Reagan's administration decided they would spend tax payers' money to infiltrate that country. When it came down to it, Jamie Roldos saw right through their strong arming and decided it was best if the oil was used to bring his own country out of poverty. Guess what? He died in a plane crash. His own country's media wasn't allowed anywhere near the crash scene, and it was later revealed Roldos had spurned Reagan, The U.S. and the CIA. In Panama, the U.S. wanted control of the canal, Omar Torrijos was fielding offers from Japan for a cheaper, more economical way of operating the most valuable piece of waterway this planet will ever see. He was very close to signing a document that transfered the power back to the country it belonged to: Panama. Course, that was drafted up before Reagan came into the Presidency. There was no way Panama was taking that lock back, Torrijos died in a plane crash too. Months after Roldos. Both deaths were the result of back door policies. Bombs in tape recorders. Oil and water. We're rich in both of those resources, but are we going to give away our sovereignty? It remains to be seen. Tell me the recent talk of tax implentation in British Columbia doesn't remind you of a method used south of the 49th. The Harmonized Sales Tax? Short version: Almost 2 billion dollars transferred to the lower class to pay for Public Services. Except, big business can have the extra tax flow through. The little guy? Forget it. Here's what I heard last week: The HST would add 7% on services which already have 5% on them for a whopping 12%. PST GST? Hello. More than 100% on services yet, nobody is doing anything different. The kicker is - government isn't thinking about the people in this one, they're planning and attempting to execute. Over there in BC, it seems their only hope is the NDP, how ironic. The almighty tax fighter. Nonetheless, this back door move had me thinking of all the times I've heard about the Americans being tossed aside by their own government when it came to voice and opinion. I don't want to believe it will happen here in my lifetime, or my childs. I'm sure most people would agree. In Alberta, we have the issue with STARS, which, I understand is not government owned, but the offer is there. Bill 44 or 19, whatever it's called is ongoing here, too: Public Consultation. I'm even happy knowing the government in Alberta recognizes those two words. The Alberta Government even has an easy access web system set up for such Consultation. A nice, easy, centralized location for Public Consultation. I just checked out their main page. Under Feedback there is linked text to this very organized website that places all feeback regarding public consultation content into one spot. BC doesn't do this. Actually, only Alberta, Quebec, and Saskatchewan do it. The other websites force the user to search for the phrase Public Consultation and then they have to forge through search results until they find what they're looking for. Here in Alberta, there is Public Consultation. If you're concerned about Health Care, Nuclear Energy, Wind Power, Oil, or even the country's sovereignty, you can show it. It seems as though someone in power has realized a government that fails it's people is bound to fail itself. So, as long as people want to argue about the U.S. picking on weaker-thans, I say, 'let's be happy we don't have a Torrijos or Roldos story or even an HST story.....yet. Knock on wood. Worst case scenario: we realize we are equal, and the Amero comes to fruition. With all of the nonsensical conspiracy talk regarding the Tri-Lateral Commission meetings here in Canada, it could actually be a good thing. Didn't it work in Europe?

This isn't Judge Judy's Courtroom

2009-07-25T12:10:00.000-07:00

Gosh darnit, some people just don't understand the court of law. You only get to speak when it's your turn. As for a warning? Forget about it:

Angry Prisoner Tasered in Courtroom - Watch more Funny Videos

Humorous Help Wanted Ads

2009-07-25T11:55:00.000-07:00

We've seen them all: out of this world Help Wanted Ads. They pop up on our Social Networking Sites, David Letterman, Jay Leno, to Johnny Carson - they've all made fun of them on late night tv. I still laughed out loud to Thailand's "Condom Testers Wanted" ads. I guess in Thailand, there are certain trades that are legitimate. This begs the question: "How does one apply and how do you test a condom?" Ha ha, funny, of course, I know, but watch how these guys get creative with the job of Testing Condoms:

Hooked Again: Getting back into Fishing.

2009-07-07T19:51:00.000-07:00

It's been three straight years. I've done nothing but think about work, getting ahead, and then getting frustrated because I can't get ahead. So, I leave a job, not realizing how good I had it.

After this past month, I know what's happened: I forgot to see the forest for the trees. Every one of us needs downtime. We need to get away from it all, be by ourselves, or at least, with people who know that we don't have to be consumed with work all the time. Real Friends.

The last time I went fishing in BC, 3 years ago, it was Salmon Fishing. My old gear is no good to me here in Alberta. Flashers the size of license plates, roe, triple hooks, barbed or not, it's just collecting dust. But, lake and river fishing can be just as fun, if not more relaxing. On the wide open sea, it can get rough; salt air, rolling seas, no bites for 6 hours, and you're spilling your beer all over the boat. Or, exposed sand bars on The Mighty Vedder, you and your best friend, a cooler, and lawnchairs staring at your rods, cemented in their rod holders, line out twenty feet in the tide, as you both drink, and wait for that bell to ring. Then, you rush to the rod, only to realize "it's too late", you didn't snag the bastard. Sometimes, it's even worth a laugh or two if your buddy passes out and you quietly sneak up to his line and give 'er a tug or two. The bell rings and buddy falls out of his lawnchair thinking he's got a bite. All you did was wake him from his drunken stupor. Sure, I had some good times with that old gear, but getting back into Lake Fishing was well worth it.

My first fly fishing experience in Alberta this summer has made me realize life is way too short to get consumed by the superficial environment known as 'work'. We all have to find our own way to 'get away'.

Starting this blog has made me understand just how passionate we all can be with our lives and our careers. But, we need to define and separate each. Hell, just thinking about fly fishing again has me excited about my next shift at work, because as soon as it's over, I'm one day closer to enjoying life again. Parents will understand this Utopian Mindset. Coming home to the kids is usually just as rewarding.

I'll be joining my two best friends at the end of July. I don't have a lot of time, first stop will be Red Deer to be with two of my closest friends and a wedding in Rocky Mountain House. Then, three days back home with Jake and Colin. In high school, we loved to 'cruise the strip' and shop 'across the line' in Seattle. We're older now, and we all love fishing. As of tonite, we have two choices: We're thinking we'll tackle either Cheam or Vedder in the Fraser Valley for the Steelhead Run (which is lottery tag only anyway), or we'll head up to the Cariboo where the Pink's are running up the Bella Coola. "Humpies" are easy to catch. Not good eating, unless you're into canning or pickling. Blah. Coho's usually the pick of the litter up there.

Here's where I'm trying to influence them with my Alberta Learning. The Dean River, halfway between Williams Lake and Bella Coola is one of North America's prime Fly Fishing spots. I've been there many times. I learnt how to cast a fly on the Dean. I also learned how to drive a jacked up Ford Bronco through a forest without ripping off a mirror or scratching paint. The entire region is blanketed with Fly Fishing hot spots like the Nechako, Nimpo, Anahim, or the Dean. You can imagine how excited I am for my next shift at work now.

Right now, my tackle box is only a gear bag I won from a charity golf tournament. I can't remember how to tie a proper fly, but I'm excited about learning again. Buying the gear piece by piece. Mapping the mighty Alberta Rivers and Streams for the best time of year for high and muddy waters. What seems to be 'unfishable' to the untrained eye, is 'heaven' to most of us. It's kind of neat knowing I'm a rookie in these parts. If it were totally up to me, and I didn't have to think about others perhaps joining for a weekend getaway, then, I would always be seeking Rainbow Trout and I'd gear up appropriately. Earlier this week, I had a co-worker tell me she loved fishing too. Even though it seemed like she wasn't the 'afficianado', she knew enough to tell me she liked fishing for walleye. That's a fun fight when you snag one of those. I've had walleye for dinner once before, I'm still partial to Rainbow. When I lived in Yellowknife, I had a chance to fish for Pike, too. A little bit bigger north of 60. We can still catch Pike here in Alberta, but I don't have a clue. It certainly would be fun to try, though.

For the time being, and for the trip coming up in a couple of weeks, I'm stickin' with Spin Fishing for rainbow. I've stocked up with the heaviest lure I know of: A Mighty Clackin. It's not like a rock, but it's heavy enough to fire across a strong river. If the water's muddy enough, it's gonna score at least a good few bites from the Hungry Rainbow.

I'll start thinking about the art of Fly Fishing again once I'm back in the Mighty Peace. Hey, if there's anyone out there who knows the best guides in this area and the best spots, shoot me a note.

Poser-Clear; Avoiding the Wannabe

2009-07-07T19:18:00.000-07:00

I was never a huge fan of the Sex Pistols or the Ramones, but their will to extinguish anything that posed a threat to their way of thinking was admirable. I remember my uncle telling me about Johnny Rotten hanging out in Nashville of all places. Early 70's. He was photographed wearing a shirt that read: "I Hate Pink Floyd". Imagine that - the 70's? Hating Floyd? Gotta love him.
Without exception, all of us have a "My Way or the Highway" t-shirt day. It's only Tuesday and I can already imagine two or three for this week: "I hate Gringos". "I Hate Posers". "I Hate Meddling Backstabbers."
Vis a Vis, "I Hate Posers" would be mint, emblazoned across the Professional's chest, as he smiles, says 'have a great day' and heads home from a great shift knowing Karma's a bitch. Hey, that's it: "Speak to that Which You Have Experienced" on the Front. "Karma's a Bitch" on the back. Oh, and always smile, Kid, you're gonna go far.