Starring Nicholas Cage, David Morse, some B-Rate actors, and a few nice cars!
I was desperate. Bored. I had a hankering for popcorn and a good movie. So, off to River City Cinema I go. I get to the ticket wicket; "One for Drive Crazy please." The young kid behind the counter says, "um, it's Drive Angry, and even with your VIP Pass, that'll be 3 bucks, Mister." It suddenly hit me - this will be the first 3D movie I've seen since Friday the 13th part 3 in 3D. That was some place back in the 80's. The 3 bucks covers the cost of the more extravagant 3D shades. Back in the day, the glasses were pieces of cardboard with red and blue lenses. I can't tell you how excited I was to get my hands on these pop culture fashion pieces. Inside, the movie starts. No previews. I mean, 'instant beginning'. Bad news for a Hollywood movie. This is 2011. It's all about advertising. This movie starts like a giant piece of 3D Fluorocarbon - - nothing sticking to it! The cheese is flowing instantly. Car chase, big guns, flying bullets, spraying blood, and some of those aforementioned B-rate actors grimacing in pain. It takes about 5 minutes before I think to myself; "What the hell is this, and how did Cage fall so far?".
I can't imagine what was going through Nick's head when he picked up the script and noticed his character's name was going to be "John Milton". Now, the movie is somehow using drama, suspense, and supernatural action along with mysticism. I'm not kidding. About 1/3 of the way through the movie, we start to gain insight on this character. He's a strong dude. He can have sex, swig Jack Daniels, and have a shootout - - all at the same time. It's devilish....oh, wait a second, his daughter was slaughtered by a cult leader, who in turn, took her newborn baby. So, yes, John Milton - - the guy who wrote "Paradise Lost" definitely comes to mind. We get it. Although I doubt he ever drove a Charger. William Fichtner's in this movie, too. He's one of the best character actors around Hollywood. He played the banker in the most recent Batman. He tried killing the joker with a shotgun. Remember him? He was a bad dude in the tv series Prison Break? For this movie, he's the gatekeeper who has come to take Nicholas Cage back to hell. But there are moments when he's an FBI agent. For the most part, he's hot on the trail of John Milton and the waitress he befriends. Played by Amber Heard. I kept wondering if she ever cracked up laughing during the filming of this piece of crap movie. Oh, and the moments of 3D brilliance jettisoned at us with every single gunshot, breaking limb, and speeding vehicle. The story within the story for this movie was: "How much shit could the director fling at the audience in 90 or so minutes"? I'm thinking it was about 2 minutes into the movie when a human hand was blown off and came flying at us. By the end of the movie, Cage was drinking beer from a human skull bone that was flying at us only moments before.
A nice tribute to Alberta in this movie since Nicholas Cage clearly took his character's features from a Nickelback concert. I mean, he looked like Chad Kroeger, with 10 years added to him. Unfortunately, no Nickelback music on this soundtrack. In the end, Fichtner gets his man, but not before Cage hands the baby off to the Waitress for safekeeping. The two 'bad dudes' jump into a classic car that emanates from nowhere and they start back towards hell. This movie was dumb.
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